Death….
Death….
Are you in fear of death?
Aren’t we all?
Not that long ago, my car caught on fire and has been in the repair shop for almost two months now.
Yesterday, the shop called me and said it’s ready to be picked up.
I asked, “Did you test it?”
“Yes, Ma’am!”
The thought of stepping into the car again..
Made me want to vomit..
I didn’t know until I got there.
I felt anxious.
I felt my heart racing.
I couldn’t think straight.
I felt all the symptoms of PTSD.
It’s all coming back to me now.
My 13 year old daughter was so brave to get into the car with me.
I asked if we should get on the freeway to test the car…
She agreed bravely….
But…
What if……..
I started thinking.
What if……..
It would start with the white smoke again like last time..
Except this time…
We wouldn’t know fast enough to exit the freeway..
And….
What if…..
What if…..
I was in fear with all the “What if’s”!
Before I knew it-
As if..
I smelled the smoke..
Wait…
Did I?
I turned to and asked my daughter…
“Do you smell anything?”
She looked shocked as I asked her to confirm….
But she’s very calm..
More calm than me…
She said, “Yeah, it smells like smoke.’’
I asked, “Should I exit?”
I repeatedly asked her..
“Should I exit?”
She said, “Wait..”
I asked, “Do you still smell it?”
She said, “No, not anymore. Perhaps it was from other cars.”
I said, “I am sorry, babe. I shouldn’t have dragged you with me to test the car. If something happens, you don’t deserve to die with me.”
I felt guilty as I am her mother and I should always put her safety before mine.
What she said next surprised me.
“Mommy, if the car is going to blow up, there is no way to prevent it. If we were meant to die today, you can’t control or change death, it would still happen!”
She’s right.
We can’t control death.
At one point, she chose her mindset and let it go!
She was no longer in fear of death.
Then..
She tried to alleviate me from my guilt..
What an incredible daughter I have.
She is Gen Z!
She is so strong.
She is so brave.
She is fierce.
She is fearless.
Agree?
～ Love you more ❤️
Kolline