‘Moving on’ after a breakup, is a phrase often cloaked in misery. For many, it’s synonymous with pain, change, and uncertainty. My clients are usually reluctant to move on, as it can feel like giving up or failing. But although moving on from relationships might make you feel redundant, with the right coaching, it can also be an empowering time.
I teach men how to connect with their feelings during this final stage of their relationship and harness their emotions for good. With a little acceptance, acknowledgement and appreciation, you can learn to redefine this chapter in your life too.
ACCEPTANCE OF THE PAST:
Your relationship might have broken down for a number of reasons; perhaps you’ve been hurt by your partner or caused them pain. Your relationship may have ended amicably over time or stopped very abruptly. It’s time to sit down and consider what happened. Have you thoroughly scrutinized the reasons why you broke up? Have you looked at the breakup from two points of view? Have you evaluated the mistakes made on both sides? Acceptance of the past is paramount to your ability to move on. It’s a time for learning; understanding yourself and the role you play in relationships.
It’s also time to reflect on the positives of your former relationship. What did you enjoy about your partner? What did you miss or feel the absence of? Acceptance of the past involves recognizing what is missing from your present. No matter whose choice it was, are you at peace with the decision to end the relationship? Do you feel you did all you could to rectify, salvage or fix it? Do you have regrets or would you have done something differently? I teach my clients to fully process these uncomfortable thoughts.
You stand no chance of moving forward unless you learn to accept what came before.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF THE PRESENT:
Sometimes it might be too painful to consider a future life or ‘forever’ without your partner. In these circumstances, I ask clients to consider whether what they had been enduring day-to-day was sustainable. Did your relationship become loveless, argumentative or unhealthy? Was it fair, to your present-self, to continue? If you’re trialing a separation, check in with how you feel while apart? Feeling healthier and happier today is often a good sign that for now, you’re in the right place.
Look at the logistical implications of a break up, the ones affecting you right now. I often remind men that making practical decisions can also help with feeling more definitive about emotions. Do you need to close checking accounts or to lease a temporary condo? Take daily steps to make your everyday life more comfortable.
I also encourage clients to look at how they’re communicating, if at all, with their ex partner. If they are still in contact, I ask clients to justify how that is helping their present self. What, if anything, is that bringing to their life or the life of their ex partner’s? Is it detracting from happiness? Cutting ties today is a decision which can improve their tomorrow.
APPRECIATION FOR YOUR FUTURE:
A huge part of ‘moving on’ is learning to look forward. The final stage of a breakup is appreciation; for yourself and your future. So take stock of what you have gained, rather than lost, from the breakup. What can you dedicate more time to now that your life has shifted in a different direction? Is there anything in your life you have neglected during the course of your relationship, which you could add more value to now? What platonic relationships have you pushed aside?
And more importantly, what have you learned about the person you want to meet next? You’re a wiser, more experienced dater and your preferences will have changed as a result of your experiences. Where do you see yourself moving or changing? How have your goals and expectations for love shifted? Your soulmate is still out there and she may look different to you than before.
And in moving on, you’ve made a giant step toward her.
~ Love you more ❤️
Kolline