When I was 5 years old or younger, I don’t remember exactly when.
Somehow I got involved in an innocent game, that was hosted by a neighborhood teenage girl, who appeared to be 13 or 14.
An innocent game that turned somewhat more than PG13.
I was in a room with other children of my age (boys and girls).
I only remember everyone had to take turns to show their private parts.
No one touched anyone.
The teenage girl used a tickler to tickle each of us at our turn.
Since that day-
I blamed and shamed myself.
I felt powerless.
I felt that the world was not safe.
I hated wearing skirts.
This became the reason I shut down my body.
This became the reason I believed I was not good enough.
This became the reason I didn’t believe that I deserved to be loved or cherished..
Because….
I didn’t remember how I got there.
I didn’t trust that I could protect myself.
I didn’t remember their faces.
I had to keep the secret.
“You can never tell,”
she said.
Did it really happen?
I asked myself.
My intuition told me I must FORGIVE myself to start healing.
So I did, but not until recently.
I FORGAVE the teenage girl because she was abused 100 times WORSE than what she did to us.
Forgiveness will set you free.
Agree?
～ Love you more ❤️
Kolline