“No! No! No!”

“No! No! No!”

Hard to admit but….

My oldest daughter, 7 years old, at the time screamed-

“No! No! No!”

As she woke up in the middle of the night hearing her parents fighting.

My only-

My only regret…

In this life…..

Was….

When my marriage became toxic..

And somewhat violent…

But that night….

I wish…..

I wish I could turn back time.

So-

We didn’t fight…

Because she saw that I couldn’t protect myself.

She was in despair.

She was in shock.

She didn’t feel safe.

It broke her heart.

When she witnessed domestic violence.

That she wanted to protect me.

She used her voice to fight the violence…

That’s all she could’ve done…

She saw me powerless…

She saw how I tried to save my marriage.

With ZERO dignity left.

She saw me being useless..

But….

She stood up for me.

Holding her pink silky blankie.

In front of the master bedroom..

She screamed, on top of her lungs-

“No! No! No!”

At that moment-

I wish I was dead.

I wish I could turn back time

So she never saw that moment.

I wish I had left my toxic marriage soon before that moment.

Sorry my first baby…

I may not ever be able to erase your memory of that night.

But you woke me up.

It’s never too late.

To turn things around.

Agree?

～ Love you more ❤️

Kolline