As a love coach, I have a wealth of experience in coaching men through dating and without stating the obvious, I’m female. So if you’re male and you think you suck at dating, at this point the chances are you also view dating as a chore.
But one of the first things I teach my clients is, dating is not a chore; dating is fun. The second thing I teach them is, you don’t suck at dating; your approach to dating sucks.
And here’s the 5 most common reasons why:
1. YOU’RE NOT TAKING CHARGE
Taking charge and taking control are two very different things. When it comes to early dating, women want men to take charge, not take over. I encourage my clients to take charge of the initial dating process and to demonstrate leadership from the offset. There are so many opportunities for taking charge, from ensuring a date is agreed in advance, to setting the mood on the day. If executed correctly, taking charge can be empowering for your date too – you’re setting the foundations for her to do the same.
2. YOU LACK CONFIDENCE
I understand that confidence can come in all shapes and sizes but like it or not, women have a nose for it. Confidence is a frame of mind, so I teach men to embody it however and wherever they can. I encourage men to pick a spot that they feel relaxed in and at ease – to go there before with a friend to scope it out, reserve the best table and make sure the service staff are friendly. I recommend wearing an outfit you look and feel good in – if you’re wearing something comfortable, you’re also more likely to be wearing confidence. You can show confidence in gestures too; commit to holding the door open or picking up a bill – wavering can be read as a sign of hesitation.
3. YOU’RE PUTTING UP BARRIERS
How do you expect to let your dream woman into your life if you’ve built a great barrier up around you? I teach men to be authentic because take it from me, women sense fakeness and facades a mile away. How would your 2 closest friends or family members describe you? Learn how to be that guy on a date. This isn’t business- it’s pleasure. Women don’t want to meet someone from the boardroom, so snap out of work mode and embrace dating as an exciting opportunity.
4. YOU IGNORE BODY LANGUAGE
Understanding body language, both your own and your match’s, is really integral to a successful date. Whether you like it or not, she’s going to be reading yours – so it’s important you check in with the basics. I teach men that often what they don’t say, is what counts the most. A warm smile, a pleasant greeting and an open posture will communicate a readiness to make a connection. And this goes both ways.
5. YOU AREN’T LISTENING
This might be the most basic thing men suck at in their approach to dating but it’s without a doubt, the most important. If you truly listen up to your date, you’ll be handed vital information on who she is and what she stands for. And interest and engagement can be the best form of flattery – it conveys patience and composure.
Eye contact is a forgotten but empowering listening skill to have, so it’s something I always teach the value of in my coaching. Remember to also offer up valuable things about yourself – chances are she’s here to listen and learn too.
With the right tools and the right guidance, you can change your approach to dating. In doing so, I guarantee your dating life will be transformed and you’ll learn to have fun meeting your dream woman.
Love you more ❤️