You don’t value me!

You don’t value me!

You don’t value me!

~~

ARGH!

That’s how I felt the minute I got onto the freeway.

“What’s happening?”

I said to myself..

The unforeseen traffic!

At this hour?

I hate the possibility of being late..

Apparently..

It turned out..

There were car accidents on the way to meet him..

My date..

I had back to back calls that day..

I didn’t check the traffic until..

Anyways..

He wanted to take me to this special restaurant in his area..

So he said..

This probably was our 6th date..

Why was this important?

Because I don’t commute outside of my area until we’ve reached a certain # of dates.

He came to my area the first few times..

And..

I promised to go to him this time..

So even with the heavy traffic..

I didn’t see a way out of this..

I needed to keep my promise..

I told him it might take an extra 30 mins..

To get there..

I gave him a heads up..

Didn’t I?

So he can utilize the “possible” extra free time..

But..

I got there on time after all ..

I wasn’t late.

But-

When I got there..

When I got there..

His “Mel Gibson” handsome face was obviously upset..

I took a deep breath..

Before walking to him..

He gave me a kiss on my forehead..

I thought to myself, “Is he upset because he thought I was going to be late?”

So it seemed..

Then at dinner..

At one point..

I felt he was distant..

Again..

As if he was in a dark place..

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

Then he said..

“When you said you might be late, I felt you didn’t value me.” he said…

Then I said..

“If I didn’t value you, I wouldn’t have driven here to meet with you!”

I tried to explain..

My intuition told me it’s more than what it appeared to be..

Then I asked..

“Did the possibility of me being late trigger past memories or events?”

He paused for a long time and said..

“You are right!”

He continued with..

“I might have projected how I felt about my ex wife onto you.”

Bingo!

He didn’t feel she valued him.

Thus, his mind would look for signs to prove his assumption that women don’t value him..

So he felt I didn’t value him..

Does that make sense?

He just couldn’t snap himself out of “living in the past” that night..

His past programming..

And it took him down the memory lane..

So he acted distant..

I realized..

I wouldn’t be able to handle future triggers or projections if he hasn’t truly healed from his past..

To start anew..

To create new happy memories.

With me..

And it’s not my responsibility to heal him.

From his past either..

If it’s something I have done to him, we would be able to work it through together..

But when someone keeps projecting the past onto new relationships..

He would traumatize future relationships..

Over and over again..

At that moment I knew we wouldn’t be together..

Because..

I simply don’t coach the men I date.

And..

I don’t date the men I coach.

Agree?

~ Love you more 
Kolline